“They’re more scared of you than you are of them.”
I ran into my ex today, something I’ve replayed and worried over in my mind ad nauseam over the last few years. My coworker offered to cover for me, and I said thanks but no.
I refuse to be somebody so awkward they pretend not to see the other.
But it was good to have the option. That means I chose not to hide.
It’s odd to have those buzzing limbs, and be hyper aware of limbs and gut. There aren’t many events that warrant that in my life. Not much exciting or nerve inducing enough.
I asked how she was doing, what they were up to (her and her husband). She avoided eye contact, expression numb, made the minimum possible answer. She did manage a quick smile before walking away. It felt like talking to a homunculus. Nothing was there.
It’s strange to see somebody from a past that’s alien to you.
It’s strange and worrying to know there’s somebody out there who thinks as poorly of me as I’m sure she does. I mean, given what she said about me when we were dating, I can only imagine what she says now.
I’m less worried about that now.
I’m less worried about the thoughts and words and feelings of someone who hasn’t made peace with their past, their exes, someone too afraid to make eye contact.
Time’s moved on for me, and whatever she says is only air, without weight or value.
It’s nice to have a new snapshot in time to remind me of that.
A snippet of voice and posture to remind me of where I am now.